Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Bush says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, “Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.”

Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.”

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. “Here,” she said. “You must put it in here.”

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony, but manages to gasp for air and screamed, “What did you do that for?”

“Tarzan check for bees.”

The old explorer said, “Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself.”

The reporter said, “Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same.”

The old explorer said, “No, not then – just now when I went ””ROARRRR!”””

“No,” she cries, “It’s too far!”

“I play football, I can catch him”

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.

Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your post?

GENERAL REINWALD: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers !

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one … are you?

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head “Yes” and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, “No” and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, ”The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask, ‘You wanna sell that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.’”

“What on earth for?” asks the doctor in amazement.

“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done” replies Steve.

“But have you thought it through properly?” asks the doctor, “It’s a very serious operation and once it’s done, there’s no going back. It will change your life forever!”

“I’m aware of that and you’re not going to change my mind — either you book me in to be castrated or I’ll simply go to another doctor.”

“Well, OK.”, says the doctor, “But it’s against my better judgment!”

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

“Hi there,” says Steve,”It looks as if you’ve just had the same operation as me.”

“Well,” said the patient, “I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised.”

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, “Shit! THAT’S the word!”

Philematology, the science of kissing, is a true science. It explores the physiology behind the warm and fuzzy feelings that accompany a kiss.

Your lips and tongue are two of the most sensitive areas of you body. Both are packed with a large amount of nerve endings, making them an erogenous zone. When you kiss, these nerve endings are stimulated, causing feelings of passion and euphoria.

Scientifically speaking, kissing releases neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain). These neurotransmitters attach to pleasure receptors in your brain to create these feelings of passion, euphoria and elation. These same types of neurotransmitters are released when you engage in activities such as marathon running or skydiving. It works the same way with passionate kissing, which is why your heart to beats faster and your breathing becomes deep and irregular.

Not all kisses evoke these chemical reactions though. Kissing your grandmother, an actor kissing a co-star on screen, or kissing a friend under a mistletoe most likely won’t start your heart fluttering. While these kisses may be pleasurable, you lack the chemical spark that comes with the feeling of passion or lust.

While this scientific chemistry in your brain defines what you feel when kissing, we recommend that you just relax and enjoy the sensations and feelings of passion the next time you lock lips with your partner.

Kiss on the hand
- I adore you.

Kiss on the cheek
- I just want to be friends.

Kiss on the neck
- I want you.

Kiss on the lips
- I love you.

Kiss on the ears
- Let’s have some fun.

Kiss on the nose
- Let’s get silly.

Kiss anywhere else
- You’re the best.

Step 1. Look into your partners eyes.
In anticipation of a kiss or to initiate a kiss, start by gazing into your partners eyes. In an intimate situation, gazing into your partner’s eyes sends an intimate message, letting them know that you want to get closer.

Step 2. Lean in closer.
Now that you know you’re about to kiss, it’s time to move in. To avoid awkwardness, move slowly. Moving in too fast can make your partner uncomfortable. As you move in, make sure that you’re in a comfortable position. As you’re moving in, tilt your head slightly so that your lips are lined up with your partners.

Step 3. Prepare your lips.
Relax your lips as you want them softly pressed together. You’ll also want to slightly moisten your lips, so quickly run your tongue over them if you haven’t prepared with lip balm.

Step 4. Moving in.
Close your eyes as you’re about to make contact. Closed eyes make for a much more passionate kissing experience. As you begin contact, gently part your lips.

Step 5. The beginning.
Gently touch your lips to theirs and get comfortable with lip to lip contact. Tentatively, slowly and lightly draw your tongue across the other person’s lips.

Step 6. Body caress.
A perfect French kiss requires the use of your hands in addition to your lips. Suggestively caress your partner’s body, wrap your hands around their waist and run your fingers through their hair. A sensual touch only emphasizes the passion and intimacy.

Step 7. Licking.
If your partner lightly parts his or her lips, slowly explore their tongue in a light licking motion. You can also swirl your tongue along and around theirs.

Step 8. Sucking.
After lightly licking your partner’s tongue, try lightly sucking on it, gently wrestling with it, and playfully tugging it with your tongue. Be sure not to bite though as it’s the ultimate kiss killer.

Step 9. Exploring.
Spend a bit of time exploring other areas of your partner’s mouth, such as lightly licking or gently tickling the roof of their mouth with your tongue. Another nice technique is to run your tongue along their teeth or bring your tongue out and again run it along their lips.

Step 10. Ending the kiss.
Be sure not to pull away too quickly. You want to take your time and enjoy the kiss! When you do finally pull away, look your partner in the eyes again. A sensual caress after a French kiss is the perfect way to end.